To hug or not to hug? That is a question early childhood teachers face every day, and there’s no consensus on the right choice. Many teachers are on the fence as they weigh the pros and cons of hugs. Some teachers believe there are better, more suitable ways to show affection, like fist bumps and high fives. Some teachers are natural huggers but always wait for children to invite hugs first. Others think hugs are all right depending on a child’s age, the school’s policy and the family’s preference. Then there are teachers who think it’s best to avoid hugs completely since parents want to make sure that their children are 100 percent safe from any improper touch.
At the same time, children often want hugs, as many teachers point out. These teachers have realized that a teacher’s hug may be the only hug that a child receives all day. They maintain that hugs can make schools more nurturing places and comfort children when bad things occur. Besides, some children just need a hug, as teachers insist. It’s a way for the children to know someone cares about them, and the benefits of hugs aren’t just in the children’s minds. There is a science of hugs that explains why they feel so good for human beings. The warm, fuzzy feelings that children get from hugs lead to positive physical, emotional and mental changes.
Hugging helps make young children smarter since they need a lot of sensory stimulation as their brains grow. Newborns first explore the world through touch, so a nurturing touch provides the mental input they need. And as babies continue to grow, they continue to profit from receiving and giving physical affection. Research even shows that children who get lots of hugs have more developed brains than those who don’t.
Children who receive hugs are healthier, too, because hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone that engenders feelings of trust, safety and love. Oxytocin also leads the brain to release certain hormones that aid physical growth from an early age. And this mind/ body connection matters since children need more than nourishing food to flourish. When children don’t get enough physical contact, their bodies often won’t meet expected milestones, and this can lead to a condition called failure to thrive. But give them enough hugs, and they can go quickly from unhealthy to healthy.
Hugging can also be a quick fix for a temper tantrum, as I saw when I was a Head Start teacher. A hug can be meaningful for a child who feels anxious at being apart from Mom and Dad or is crying after falling on the playground. Sometimes a hug is the only thing that will calm the child down. And hugs also help children deal with stress during the early years when they haven’t yet learned to regulate their feelings. Emotions like anger and fear cause the brain to release adrenaline and cortisol into the body, and these are fight-or-flight hormones that hugs can combat.
Still, the combat over hugs goes on, despite hard science that shows hugs help our youngest learners. Our risk-averse culture makes families and preschool directors keenly aware of the rare cases when educators touch children in the wrong way. So, many early childhood teachers are wary of touching children, and it’s especially risky if you’re a male early childhood teacher nowadays. But even back in the nineties, when I was in the classroom, I was reluctant to hug a child.
And many male teachers hesitate, too, as they revealed in interviews with the Sacramento Bee in California. A kindergarten teacher named Paul Ferreter said his teacher’s union told educators to refrain from touching students at all, but he still gave students a “sideways hug,” as he explained. “I’m taking that risk because I think it’s important.” And there are ways to cut down on the perils of hugging, said Bryan Nelson, founder of Men Teach, a nonprofit that aims to recruit more men into the early learning profession. “I instruct men that if a child goes to hug you, you can. Be proactive and define what to do if a child wants comfort,” he said. “Kids need affection.”
And it’s always been my instinct to provide it since I come from the South where we do a lot of hugging. My parents always hugged me when I was child, and I’ve always hugged my two daughters. But I hesitated to touch my students, though children also tend to be instinctive huggers. Wanting hugs is part of human nature, and they nurture our bodies and minds.
So, what should early childhood teachers do when it comes to hugging? To hug or not to hug is a tricky question for both male and female teachers in our hypervigilant culture. Still, there are steps teachers can take to hug with less risk of repercussions. One is to be aware of cultural traditions since some children might come from backgrounds where more physical distance is the norm. You should also be sure that children want to be hugged by telling them you can give me a high five, a fist bump or a hug.
Most will choose a hug, as educators have found. And there is a science behind their wish for a teacher’s warm embrace, despite social norms that bar physical contact. Sometimes a hug is the best thing to do at a certain moment when a child is stressed out or hurt. Besides, hugs play a role in the whole-child approach to education. Early childhood teachers aren’t just instructing young learners about colors, letters and numbers. They’re helping children gain emotional skills, learn how to get along with other people and build loving bonds. These are benefits to keep in mind as we weigh the social stigma of hugs against the science of hugs: It tells us that hugging is part of what it takes to become a healthy, happy human being.
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With over 25 years of experience in early childhood education (ECE), Elisa has dedicated her career to developing impactful programs, professional development opportunities, and public policies that support working families, young children, and ECE staff. Before joining the Council, Elisa held numerous roles within the childcare industry. Most recently, she served as Associate Vice President at The Learning Experience and as Senior Manager at KinderCare Education, where she influenced government affairs and public policies across 40 states.
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Janie received her M.A. in Organization Development from American University. She holds numerous professional development certificates in Human Capital Management and Change Management, including a Diversity and Inclusion in Human Resources certificate from Cornell University. She completed the year-long Maryland Equity and Inclusion Leadership Program sponsored by The Schaefer Center for Public Policy and The Maryland Commission on Civil Rights. She is a trained mediator and Certified Professional Coach. She is a graduate of Leadership America, former board chair of the NTL Institute and currently co-steward of the organization’s social justice community of practice, and a member of The Society for Human Resource Management. Additionally, Janie is the Board Chairperson for the Special Education Citizens Advisory Council for Prince Georges County where she is active in developing partnerships that facilitate discussion between parents, families, educators, community leaders, and the PG County school administration to enhance services for students with disabilities which is her passion. She and her husband Randolph reside in Fort Washington Maryland.
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